Elephant Logic Part 1: Now I See Pink–Bring on the Straight Jacket

April 10, 2010 0 Comments

Flashback 1981: A group of about five thirteen year olds managed to convince management that we met the criteria for…..duhn…duhn….duhn………

Gifted and Talented.

And I was one of them.

And no, you don’t get to have an opinion on that, so there.

I still don’t know how I “passed” that test, especially after the pattern block puzzle kicked my whiny hiney. I just knew after THAT part of the test, I would forever be relegated to spend my days as <shudder> NORMAL. Oh, and when I couldn’t remember as an 8th grader that 14-9=5, I figured I was a goner, too. Stress can really mess with your head.

But alas, I was deemed ABnormal and was rewarded by being allowed to ditch math class a couple of days a week to go ponder solutions to the world’s problems. I was good at that. There were no pattern blocks.

I spent lots of time in this fledgling program solving analogy puzzles. You know the ones…..

Sue is in room A. Jason is in room C. Joe is serving punch to Charlie. Where is Charlie?

Then you get this chart with a bunch of squares where you place X’s in the boxes that identify what couldn’t possibly happen. If CSI would employ this miraculous technique to solve a crime scene, we’d only have 30 minute shows.

Anyways, I rocked (and still do) at this demonstration of my AB-normalness. Give me words, and I will input into the brain bowl, stir it around, and produce the most deliciously logical answer.

Great for G/T class. Not so great where a suspension of rational thought is required. It makes for some smelly elephant poo.

It also makes my elephant turn a nice rosey shade of pink….as in


(Disclaimer for remainder of this post: My elephant is not any ONE person. It represents a system of belief that leaves me gasping for breath. If you choose to assign an individual identity to any part of what follows, YOU ALONE are responsible. Do not blame me.)

I do not understand why normally intelligent people suddenly give up on anything that remotely resembles logic when it comes to religion. Don’t misunderstand me at all. Faith rocks. Believing in something one cannot see ROCKS!!! Jesus ROCKS!!!!

Arrogant suspension of logic sucks rocks…..and makes me see pink elephants.

What can I say? I am cursed…er…uh…I mean blessed with logic. It’s in my genes. It’s on my 8th grade transcript AND my GRE results. It oozes from my marrow. It’s just there.

For 37 years of this life, I obediently suspended logic (what am I saying? I obsessively suspended logic) in support of a precise way of pleasing the Big Guy. I was the champion of persecuting anyone else who didn’t suspend all logic and think like me.

And then logic tackled me like a freight train.

And then my faith in the Universal Master grew stronger than it has ever been.

And then I wanted what had been promised. And I wanted everyone else to have what had been promised. It was some majorly cool mojo.

And then I told a large group of ladies (because elephant logic says those are the only ones I get to speak to) about the cool mojo.

And then I was swatted by the elephant with a rolled up newspaper. Bad Angie. Bad Girl. Bad influence. (Figures of speech, of course…..this is my insanity trip and I can remember it like I want.)

And then I tried using logic with the elephant. And the elephant head butted me and it hurt. It hurt alot.

(Apologies for the repeated us of And then….. Just a few more, I promise.)

And then I used determination. If there is one thing I have, it’s determination. I determined to be a part of change.

And then God removed me and told me to leave them alone. They were not mine to change. I only get to change me.

For four years, I’ve wandered in the desert alone with Him. For four years, He has nurtured and nourished me. Many think I am dying of thirst, having cut myself off from the Source of Life. Quite the contrary. I’m being carried along by the Source of Life. He has shown me much in that time and has strengthened my faith in HIS power.

He has also continued to show me the logic of His power.

But the elephant has remained tied like a noose around my neck, still stealing my breath on occasion.

And so as I begin to shovel the stinky elephant poo from under my bed, and prepare to ship my elephant off to Zimbabwe forever forgiving and releasing it, my vision becomes clearer, and I can see the blessings and the power and the freedom that comes with a logical relationship with the Father.

Part 2? I’ll have some fun with pink elephant logic.

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