Those words were shared this morning by a beautiful soul who calls herself Ronna Detrick in her latest blog post. Those words bring me so much peace and confidence today, when I need them most.

Today. This day. The day that I take the first official step towards going. In a little over an hour, the meeting will be over, the official notice will have been given, the decision made. I am going. I can’t not go. Staying would mean playing it safe, postponing my dream, and dying inside just a little bit more each day. It would mean waking up each morning knowing I was too chicken to risk experiencing my life’s purpose. I’m not exactly sure which generates more fear, staying or going. Staying is safe, but staying is toxic.

Going is release. My word for the year. I have much to release. This is one of those things. By releasing the old and embracing the new, even with all its risks and uncertainties, I will not only survive, I will thrive. I will live. I will feel joy. I will give joy. I will radiate joy. I will succeed. The how is not mine to arrange. Only the intention is mine to create.

I have asked the Divine to grant me freedom and joy. I have asked to be shown my life’s purpose. I have been led to this moment of going. Matthew 6:25-34 gives me the confidence of knowing that all my needs will be met.

25″Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

26″Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 28And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

31″So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?’ or `What shall we drink?’ or `What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Today, I go. I release. I breathe. I live.

Freedom is one of the qualities I am seeking through this process–the freedom to choose when I work and for how long, the freedom to take off and go visit some place awesome, or take a class without having to ask the permission of upper management, freedom to chase my kids without a pang of guilt, and the freedom of figuring out how my income will find me.

I am trusting that the freedom I seek will also result in finding time to feed my family nutritious, healthy meals. From time to time over the years, I have been able to do this, and yet, it seems busy-ness always gets the best of those good habits. I see this transition as an opportunity to reignite that homefire.

There’s no time like the present to kick start a new habit, so I have begun to again attempt a menu and shopping list to help with the budget and the implementation of cooking from scratch with REAL food. I intend to blog on that topic as a means of accountability. I am also beginning to look at what I can raise myself, so I am setting some goals for our spring/summer/fall garden and farm this year.

I have a fairly unlimited supply of fresh free-range eggs, since we have our own chickens, so that expense is for the most part negated. We seem to consume lots of tomatoes, which could have something to do with the Italian blood that runs through my husbands side of the family. What I am reading about commercially canned tomatoes is quite disturbing, due to the effect of metal cans leaching unwanted things into the tomatoes. I guess I will be adding those to my home processing list for summer. I have never canned (or in this case “jarred”) tomatoes, but I have put up some other things over the years and I think I can get it figured out.

Other options will include fresh spinach. I’ve never really tried to grow spinach, but I am loving it for salad fixin’s and as an omelet add-in. I’ve attempted carrots a few times with minimal success, but I’m going to go at it again this year, along with beets. Maybe I’ll invest in a fancy juicer/blender thing to mush it all up together and hopefully make it taste fabulous.

I have been freezing my greenbeans the last few years, but I may go back to the canning method. The fam seems to prefer the mushy version over the almost fresh freezer style. Maybe I’ll do some of both. Black eyed peas are another good one, but picking beans and peas happens to be my LEAST favorite thing to do in the garden. It rates right up there with weeding.

Some other possibilities include potatoes, cucumbers (great for making relish with no HFCS), and of course watermelon and cantalope. There is nothing sweeter than a beyond organically-grown, left-on-the-vine-to-fully-ripen melon. My mouth waters thinking about them. Home-grown potatoes are important because of the chemicals they absorb from the soil in commercial agriculture. I discovered a couple of years ago that they aren’t that difficult to raise, and they are absolutely delicious straight from the ground to the cooking pot.

We planted several fruit trees last year, and I expect to put a few more in the ground this year. It will be a while before those help us out, and yet, I am quite excited about that possibility.

With all these plans, I will need the time flexibility of setting my own schedule. I will also need an outlet such as the local farmer’s market that is being planned. What garden crops are you planning? Do you have an interest in bringing your excess to a local farmer’s market? Share your plans with us and let’s see if we can make a difference in the health of our community.

A few years ago, the lines between black or white and right or wrong began to blur as my typically left-brained analytical self began to open up and see things as part of a bigger picture. Connections and inter-relatedness began to trump details, rules, and absolutes. Many ideals that had always been accepted as just “how it is” began to lack the element of common sense. Thoughts would occur to me such as, “…if this is true, then how can this other not be true?” I had begun to see possibilities when previously only absolutes had existed. Black and white was all over.

It certainly hasn’t been an easy journey. Most people like absolutes as long as they serve their purpose. Anyone who questions those absolutes is a bit of a troublemaker. Stirring the pot is not a highly regarded gift in most social circles, especially religious ones. Since religion was where my blacks and whites had been strongest, that’s the cauldron that has been the primary target of my stirring and the source of much of my personal stress. As such, it affects my wellness and earns its place as a post on this blog.

I am certainly not the first to be gifted with the opportunity to see the world through a wider, clearer lens. Gallileo had his problems dealing with the status quo of the religious world. He landed in some serious hot water over his whole “earth isn’t the center of the universe” theory. He was almost killed for that one. The knowledgeable women of Salem, Massachusetts, discovered that their herbal and healing expertise was grounds for being subjected to the infamous witch trials, complete with false witnesses. If they died they weren’t a witch, but if they lived they were a witch and would be put to death. That one resonates with the …ahem… quite logical methods of our own FDA and a few other government agencies <stated tongue in cheek of course>.

And of course, the most famous casualty of all was Jesus Christ. What an amazing human with an amazing connection to deity. So much good stuff is contained in his story: Way more than most people who claim to be his followers will allow themselves to recognize. He, too, was eliminated by those who sought to maintain their existing traditions and protect “their people” from this supposed blasphemous man. His crime was one of showing followers what he knew to be the truth about the Divine. He taught people to live a life of love rather than one of rules, rituals, and fear. Fortunately for us, he had the power to take up his life again once he had allowed himself to be killed.

How many times do we lock ourselves into a world of absolutes – black or white, right or wrong – because of the teachings and traditions we have been taught in fear? If instead, we would look at the bigger picture and see the abundance of mysterious and amazing evidence in world around us, much of our stress would fall away. Life would be filled with so much more love and so much less fear. My challenge to you is to release your fear and embrace that which offers love. In each situation, ask, “Is my reaction to this coming from a belief rooted in love or a belief rooted in fear?” Let’s loosen the grip on black and white and see things through the eyes of possibility. As we do, we invite more wellness into our lives in the form of love.

Now before you decide I have lost my mind or that I have gone over to the dark side, keep in mind that the very Bible we faithfully uphold as the divinely inspired word of God has many examples of special people who received direct revelation from Spirit beings. The Old Testament is full of them, and even the New Testament has its share of people who received the audible voice of God.  Also know that I went into this session with a healthy dose of skepticism, but also a desire to be open if in fact it was real.  After all, if there is one thing I have learned in my five year search for MORE, it is that God speaks to us in many ways and God will give us the signs and confirmation we need to understand the divine purpose for our lives.   

My channeling session took place over the telephone. The kind lady with whom I worked is a woman named Rosalee Sirgany. Her website at http://www.goldeneaglespirit.com/ indicates she is a contemporary mystic. I believe my discovery of her work was divinely directed, yet those circumstances are a blog post for another time.

She began by greeting me in the usual way, calling me by the name I used to contact her, which is Angie, and indicated that she was channeling Jesus Christ. I was good with that. After all, I had very specifically been asking God to let me hear his audible voice. Rosalee immediately interrupted herself and said she was getting “Angela” and asked if my real name is Angela, which it is. That information is readily available on the internet, so there is nothing stunning about her knowing my real name.  She did tell me that I should go by my real name because it is much more energetically a match for me, and it is the name I chose before I came. I told her I had always felt my nickname of Angie was more me because it is short and catchy and fun. She indicated that is not the case and that Angela would in fact be more empowering to my attainment of my goals. I plan to have someone muscle check me to see which name actually supports my body’s energy system the best. Interestingly, she is not the first person to suggest that maybe Angie isn’t the name that resonates best for me.

She asked if I had questions. I told her that I was seeking some guidance with regards to career decisions. I indicated that I had held my current position with the local school system for 18 years, and that I had recently completed massage therapy school. My dilemma was in figuring out which one would get my undivided attention. I did not mention any dissatisfaction with my long-time career, nor did I mention any special passion for massage. However, I do know that a person might be able to draw some conclusions based on many of my blog posts.

She said my current work is not supporting me energetically. It leaves me feeling drained. The massage, on the other hand, she said fills me with joy and love and that I am VERY good at it. She emphasized this several times. She said if I will do that which fills me with joy and love, I will be very successful. She said the positive energy I generate when I do what I love will naturally draw people to me and to my business. She said finances might be tight at first, but that it is much more important that I do what I love than have a steady paycheck and supposed security by staying with something that drains me. Again, in all fairness, it is possible that a person could generate this information from my writings.

Then she got me where I couldn’t find a loophole. I mentioned that I was considering a return to school to get an RN license. She very quickly said, “No. You are tired of studying and do not wish to study anymore. Going back to school will only leave you with what you already have.” NOTHING I had said or written up to that point could have given her this idea, and yet as soon as she said it, I knew she was hearing from someone who knows me better than I know myself. I knew she, or rather Jesus, was right. My little financial investment in her time probably saved me thousands in education expenses that would have likely only added to my stress and not to my joy. Bottom line, she was dead on with this one, and no one else could have discouraged me with any other argument.

Our conversation continued and I asked her a few other questions. In each case, I felt this total stranger was tuned into a source that most of us are not conditioned to hear. Is she somehow unique in her ability? Is she a chosen one? Maybe so. I don’t think she is alone in her abilities, but I do think she has a heightened sensitivity to that which each of us has been offered, yet most are unable to access. Just like an Old Testament prophet, she has her heart and her senses tuned into a higher power. We may love and adore our higher power, but she hears the words they speak to us. In my book, that is WAY cool.

I was seeking confirmation. I have had multiple instances of confirmation in a variety of ways, but I wanted something more dramatic…more blunt. Through her, and ultimately I believe through Jesus Christ, I got my confirmation, but I also got a no. I am grateful for that no. I am almost as grateful for it as I am for the yeses.  Thanks, God, for giving me the courage to find another way to hear your voice.

As a mom to four beautiful girls, a tv-loving husband, two dogs, any number of cats, a few rabbits, my chicken-ladies, and a couple of horses, finding space for quiet solitude can be quite daunting. It used to be that I had the early morning hours to myself until the last minute hustle and bustle of getting ready for school kicked into high gear. Now with teenagers rising early to make the most of their youthful beauty, it seems the quiet time of peace has given way to the sound of showers, blow dryers, makeup clackity clack, and discussions along the lines of, “Where is my shirt? You borrowed it last. I was gonna wear that.” And so yeah…you get the picture. Peaceful solitude eludes me for the most part.

Fortunately, I have discovered that my new massage therapy business allows me the opportunity to experience that much needed peaceful solitude in the beautiful space that is my wellness center. Some have suggested that massage therapy is a physically demanding occupation requiring difficult strenuous labor. Instead, I am finding that it is a relaxing, peaceful space in which both giver and receiver are rewarded with calm serenity. It is proving to be my sactuary of sorts.

I am realistic enough to know that giving enough massages to maintain our current standard of living is probably not a good idea. It is somewhat taxing on the body, and there is always a certain amount of giving of oneself to the client. I want to be able to give my best to every client, and not just give what’s left over at the end of a long day. There are certain things I do, such as Energy Medicine routines, to help keep me at my best. However, my desire is to do more to benefit myself while also meeting the needs of my clients. I recognized this need in college when I decided to pursue a career in physical education and fitness. I knew that I would live my best life if I worked in a fitness related career field.

The vision and desire that has evolved from having recognized these priorities is to create a nature-centered space in which to practice and teach yoga. Of course, I know very little about yoga at this point, but I know enough to know I need it, I need what it represents, and my body will love and appreciate it very much. Input from others has indicated they would also appreciate having a space and the guidance to learn and practice yoga. I know from attending a yoga retreat last year that yoga in nature is food for the soul. Unfortunately, our West Texas “nature” is one of frequent winds, blowing dust, extreme heat and cold, and more variety than Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors. It isn’t exactly conducive to creating an outdoor yoga sanctuary.

Yet as always, once the intention is stated, the means begins to evolve. A couple of years ago, I began to study yurts as a possible structure for my wellness center. Their design has a spiritual and integrative quality that makes them ideal for a creative healing space. I released that idea once we decided to use the little two bedroom rent house for my wellness center. Ironically, the yurt idea did not release me.

Earlier this year, I publicly stated my intention to pursue yoga and an instructor certification. The question of where I would practice has been recurring in my mind ever since. Knowing how much I desire to experience yoga in nature, and knowing how much variety our weather gives us in this part of the country, I began to consider the idea of constructing a greenhouse for a yoga space. Shortly after, the yurt idea returned. Why couldn’t I use the structure of a yurt and the coverings of a greenhouse to create an almost perfect space to experience yoga in nature? Apparently I can. I contacted Spirit Mountain Yurts and presented them with my idea. They loved it and so the stage is set to create a beautiful plant filled space warmed by the sun, sheltered from wind and rain, carpeted with green grass and herbs in which to share the spiritual experience and wellness of yoga with friends and neighbors. It will be a yoga sanctuary.

Of course a few details remain. I intend to begin my yoga training this week, assuming our weather cooperates. I am most grateful for your prayers for safe travel as this will require a weekly trip to Amarillo. It will take approximately a year of training before I am eligible to pursue instructor certification. During that time, I would ask that you send your thoughts, prayers, and positive intentions toward this dream. I trust that you will help me make it a reality by seeing it in your mind’s eye as though it is already complete. I have no idea how it will be funded, yet I trust the way will become clear at some point.

Meanwhile, enjoy some images of yurts that were sent my way by Spirit Mountain Yurts in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and let me know what you think of my vision.

I have had many interesting experiences in the last few years. My life really began to shift in 2003 when a modest career move that I didn’t really request or pursue (and yet I can see now how I did) put me in places and around people who offered me tools that opened up my narrow view of the world. Those shifts and experiences have left me with many thoughts, feelings, opinions, and words that need to be spoken and written about, yet I have thus far been unable to see how they could be appropriate on a blog that is attached to a wellness site.

As of this morning, my vision has cleared and my voice may now speak and speak relevantly and powerfully on my wellness blog. How was I able to make the connection? By having the right materials in front of me at the right time. By having a clear intention of what I want to do. By maintaining focus on what I need to do. And by listening to the voice of my innermost being, the voice that speaks most clearly to me when I’m toasting my tush in a water-wasting, environmentally unconscious, long, hot, and prickly shower.

So what was this revelation that has suddenly made everything about which I need to write appropriate for a wellness blog? It is the realization that the road to wellness, whether striving to regain it or clinging to what remains of it, is indeed a spiritual journey. It is a knowing that my business is about healing: not my power to heal others, but my teaching others to heal themselves, if they so choose, while healing myself along the way. It is the recognition that my desire to understand Christianity’s greatest healer and teacher is what has led me through the many twists and turns, pain felt and pain inflicted, confusion and clarity, unconsciousness and awareness.

Wellness is spiritual. It is both a requirement for and a consequence of attaining enlightenment. It is not about a particular religion, group, or set of rules, but rather the interconnectedness of all. Wellness is about linking into the universal source of life, just as Jesus Christ did. It is about moving beyond (transcending) the walls and rules designed and built by human hands and minds and plugging into the ever present, all knowing, and all powerful life source we know as God.

It is recognizing that we are one body and together, this body can reclaim wellness.

The post got me to thinking about what potential risks I have suppressed in the name of keeping things safe and familiar. It also brings to mind the risks I have taken and am currently living through that frequently throw me into a feeling of panic and fear. I tend to see risk as an invisible bridge that connects that which we perceive to be safe with that which we perceive to be foolish or unattainable.  Just like Indiana Jones, setting foot on a bridge that appears to be nothing more than a free fall into the abyss below requires a heckuva lot of moxy. Too often, my moxy tank is about a quart low.

It seems I have a skeleton closet full of risks that have thus far been locked away for safe keeping. Hmm…safe keeping? Maybe that should say “…locked away for eternal imprisonment” or “…locked away to avoid the possibility of failure” or “…locked away to avoid offending someone” or even “…locked away because there’s no retirement or insurance benefits”.  Any way I look at it, there are things that I would love to say, be, and do that have been locked away to avoid the risks that are inherent in pursuing them. If I leave them in that closet, they will wither and die until there is nothing left of those dreams and desires except the skeleton. If I unlock the door and take those risks out into the sunlight, they might just take root and grow into something that feeds, clothes, and shelters me and my family for generations to come.

Of course, the greatest problem with risk is the fear of taking that first step onto the bridge. The screams of horror from onlookers who don’t know about the bridge can be overwhelming. After all, maybe the bridge DOESN’T actually exist and I’m totally insane. Maybe they are right and it would be better to die on the safe side than risk losing everything to live an adventure. Maybe I’m not supposed to walk a bridge to the other side. Maybe I am supposed to dive off the ledge of safety into a whole new world that the panicked on-lookers don’t even know exists. Maybe, just maybe, my Pandora lies at the bottom of the abyss.

One step, one leap, don’t look down, don’t look back. Breathe.

I am reading a book called Autobiography of a Yogi. It is a free download. It is also available on Amazon in book form or on Audible in audio form. In recent years I have had a suspicion that miracles still happen and coincidence is anything but. This book has confirmed much of my suspicions in those areas. If a person can keep the focus and the vibration at the right level, abundance will flow in like a river headed for the ocean. God will meet our needs, and even our wants with abundance.

With that kind of information readily available and already a part of my belief system, why do I still panic when faced with additional requirements for money and resources? It’s time to take a deep breath, recognize how much I already have received, and realize that every bit of it was provided for me in amazing ways. Isn’t it nice that I have space left on a credit card to pay the tuition? It’s wonderful that banks have faith in my ability to earn money so that they are eagerly willing to advance me the funds to use. Isn’t it awesome that we own houses and land worth taxing? Isn’t it nice that our vehicles are no longer taxed as personal property? Isn’t it wonderful that my daughter is going to college and qualified for loan money to pay for her tuition, even if it isn’t accessible until after the deadline? Isn’t it fantastic that she has a good job which helps to pay for a large portion of her expenses?

The opportunities are set before me. That can only mean the means to act on those opportunities will likewise be made known in good time. I must feel the wealth and abundance that is my life. It is there waiting for me to acknowledge it and have faith in its power to provide.

So why in the world would I want to pursue an instructor certification when I don’t even know the basics? Three words….because I can. And a few more…because I want to. And then these….because our little town could use one. And don’t forget these….because it fits into my dream. And to trump all of that….because it costs a crazy amount of money that I don’t have right now, but hey, that’s never stopped me. 

Why yoga? Because yoga has a spiritual aspect to it that I crave. It isn’t a religion as some would have a person believe. It is a very gentle, yet potentially viscous fitness activity that slows the aging process and strengthens bodies while clearing the mind. I believe it will provide a means of generating some really positive energy in this little town, which is something that will greatly benefit everyone around here. 

Why me? Because I have always seen myself as being a fitness instructor. I have been a PE teacher to little kids. I am good at it. I have taught tons of cool things to adults. I am good at it. I always said I needed to be involved in a fitness/wellness line of work to stay in shape, knowing that it is so easy for me to let my body slide off the edge of the fat cliff. Yoga instructor fits in very nicely with massage therapy and energy work. I will have to back-burner the energy medicine classes for now, but that’s okay because I need some more time to digest that stuff. Besides, our local market isn’t quite ready to actually pay for energy work. However, there is a definite interest in yoga, and I believe we have at least the beginnings of a market for it. 

I have a terrific outdoor space for yoga (assuming the wind will cooperate). My indoor space is somewhat limited, but I will work on that. Ideas of course are always welcome. So what do you think? Have I lost my mind yet again? Or is this a cool thing? What new and cool things are you pursuing to stave off the encroachment of Alzheimer’s? 

Happy New Year everyone!

Danielle LaPorte’s blog is one of my favorite motivational resources, so I was intrigued when her intentions list was actually a Stop Doing list. Most of us think about things we should or need to start doing, but how many of us think about the balancing effect of stopping something? And as she pointed out, it isn’t about stopping things like “neglecting yourself” or some other goofy feel good crap. This is serious stuff. Everything needs balance, and if you are adding something to your to do list, you must also remove something from it or feel the wrathful stress of overload.

This got me thinking about my vision for 2010. Just saying the year has such a cool sound to it. I can remember when 2010 was the target date for a 15 year long range technology plan for schools. And now…..it’s here. 2010.

The year that is wrapping up was a pretty good one. I finished massage therapy school, which gives me new options and some movement towards achieving a long held desire to work in the wellness industry. We sent a kid off to face the world on her own. We tackled a renovation project that is my wellness center. I charged up a truckload of money going to some energy medicine workshops in Austin and Phoenix….and I stayed another year in the safety and security of a “guaranteed” paycheck with benefits, even though my passion has long since vacated the premises. That about sums up 2009.

So what exactly is my vision of 2010? Danielle suggested a three-question test that originated with Darwin Smith, CEO of Kimberly-Clark.
1)What are you deeply passionate about?
2)What are you genetically encoded for—what activities do you just feel “made to do”?
3)What makes economic sense—what can you make a living at?

It has taken me 41 years of life to feel as though maybe I have some idea about #1 and #2. I guess a person needs that many life experiences to know what they don’t want so as to figure out what they do want from life. Ironically, I am circling back into the vicinity of my college aspirations. I have done many things since college that were part of my dreams and aspirations. I wanted to be married and have a family. I wanted to have a nice house and nice things. I wanted the mini-van and the suburban to haul my growing family. I wanted sane working hours and a husband whose hours matched mine. I have done and continue to have all of those things with abundant love….well…most days.

I have also done some things that are not quite as fulfilling in order to have that which I really did want. I intended all of these things at a higher level than I intended my post college career aspirations, so I settled on a career that I thought best accommodated what I wanted most. For the most part it has worked well enough. Yet there has been this nagging, a yearning, to navigate back in the direction of my original passions. For the first time, I can see the possibilities of making it happen.

So here goes: In 2010, I will

1. Build my wellness center business to a level that replaces my current income
2. Complete the renovations on the wellness center
3. Carve out space for writing projects
4. Teach a couple of Brain Gym classes.
5. Study and become highly proficient at the things in which I have already received training
6. Spend time daily in some form of exercise, as in take care of ME
7. Find ways to feed me and my family healthy and delicious foods
8. Pursue a yoga instructor certification
9. Pursue a personal trainer certification
10. Travel some place really cool with my sweet husband
11. Knock the debt load back by a huge chunk
12. Knock the “butt/thigh” load back by a huge chunk (see #6 & 7)

In 2010, I will

1. Stop working 8 hours a day in a windowless concrete cell surrounded by a massive electromagnetic field
2. Stop sitting on my derriere 8 hours a day.
3. Stop feeling resentment about events in my past that have proven to be blessings
4. Stop feeling guilty just because others feel guilty (see #3)
5. Stop trying to teach people who do not wish to learn
6. Stop attending over-priced workshops that don’t lead to an accredited certification of some type (unless I really really want the info).
7. Stop doing my own accounting. I suck at it and I hate it.
8. Stop trying to market my talents all by myself. See #7. I do and teach what I know. Getting other people to buy in to my gigs are a pain in the tush.
9. Stop eating crap that tastes good for a second, then leaves me feeling like the stuff that comes out at the end.
10. Stop piling all of the construction projects on my sweet hubby. I intend to have sufficient profits to hire out the window replacement and maybe even the exterior paint job.
11. Stop spending all my egg profits on Sonic Happy Hour.

The items on this second list only serve to make me a cranky chunky witchy kind of person. They leave me feeling less than my best and therefore, they must go. I’m thinking 2010 is going to be an amazingly powerful year for this goddess.

How about you? Do you have any STOP signs in your 2010 Vision?